Forgive your loved ones that you had to wait until the end of the Wo-end, to what you hear from me. Actually I can not tell you why I have not yet managed to write this post.
Last Thursday was so far - I have my first two irradiations hnter me. And it was no picnic for me, I want you ever anticipate. Perhaps this was also the reason why I wanted to be a bit of time to process the whole thing again. But first things first:
My appointment for my first treatment was at 9.35 clock and I arrived on time in Ruit. My mom has been with me, which I was very happy. The nerves were about to play hard and so it went with sweaty hands and a slightly elevated heart rate in the Department of Radiotherapy of the KH Ruit. We must arrive there no longer can log in and go right after Linac A or B, depending on where you should be irradiated. Once there you can just sit and wait until you call it, is because the course is fully equipped with cameras and see the X-ray assistants can be so beautiful who is already present - Time is money. Half an hour later
it was time. One of the assistants came from :-) one of the booths and made another portrait photo of me - apparently just for the record. Then we went to get changed and then upper body free in one of two treatment rooms.
He was tall and dark, in the middle was the device that is already 2 drumrum assistants have been waiting at the Bare with me. Has reminded me somehow of a surgical room, except that the green men have been missing ;-)
I was asked to put me on the bare. What struck me was very quickly that there was a certain rush. I missed that someone spoke to me, but I followed the brief and concise statements of the assistants. There was no encouragement driven or sensitive set.
my head should I put into the device and my legs were lined with a round cushion. Shortly thereafter, the arm of the X-ray apparatus placed over my face and I was electrically driven to meet about half a meter in the X-ray head. One of the radiologists joined me again and my lymph nodes examined, but said it up to a "- so do so wirs" not much. Then came my mask into the game. It went over my head and made her live set at the head apparatus. Unfortunately, I realized early on that neither the mouth nor the eye area were cut. allowed only a small cut out the nose to me to breathe a little more comfortable. But I did not say anything at first and wait how it all went. I was to my shoulders as far as it went on the drop-in and hold a stretch in the neck to the neck released the largest possible area. The mask "facilitated" I hold this position because it was made in the selling agency for this position. Stupid way to it lies at the neck so tight that it made me really cause problems to swallow normally. (After Men have a larynx that moves just a bit shy when you swallow.) I have it in any case survive as you see.
incidentally ran from several things. First, a scanner has been smashed and the assistants made an Edding, similar to CT, some marks on the mask. In addition, on the treated side a few tape strips tape stuck to the mask that there were exactly at eye level and so it was that I could now see even on the right, nothing more. to overcome all circumstances are not good for my claustrophobia. Actually, I thought that this was not too strong, in this extreme situation, but unfortunately I was a little better taught. And so it happened that I panicked and I had the feeling I would zuschnühren the neck. I mentioned that I was short of breath, and whether it would be lengthened, that the mask in the mouth and left eye area but could still cut. The answers were already a bit annoyed: "Do you see where the marks and settings would allow the end, one could consider that." Thanks - that helped me in this situation a little. Another panic attack came over me and I was really about to cancel the whole thing. I had heart palpitations and sweating. Soon after, then release the real deal and I managed to calm me down again.
After the last time being attached to tapes and the last marks were made, I got an old-fashioned Handklinkel pressed into his hand and I was told that I should use it if it did not go. I was then only an unintelligible sound of me and held me convulsively at the bell.
The actual exposure is quite spectacular: the assistants left the room shortly after I heard as moving the beam head and gives some noises, compared with a simple X-ray machine. A rattle, a mechanical turning, again rattling, etc. You can feel
really nothing. Only about 2h. after treatment, the heated irradiated Section, and you feel "as if what is doing." I had this image in your head as the malignant cells are first confronted with the rays. You can feel the "anxiety" appears with it.
After 4-5 minutes should be all over - but unfortunately not for me. I was told that there were problems with the device and that I get a short recovery period. The first irradiation was so wrong kmplett. Super Na. What a start. Until then, about fifteen hours had passed.
After my mask was removed and I could breathe again carefree I was asked to leave the room and me just to go into the locker room. When I got up I realized how much I already give 15 min mitgenommen hatten: Mir sackte der Kreislauf ein und mir wurde extrem schwindlig. Ich musste stehen bleiben und ruhig atmen , um nicht umzukippen. Irgendwie flüchtete ich in die Kabine. Eine der Assistentinnen bemerkte das ich wirklich zu kämpfen hatte und fragte mich wie es mir gehe. Ich erzählte ihr, dass ich Probleme mit der Enge habe und dass die Panik bei mir unterbewußt gesteuert ist. Ich kann also nur gering beeinflussen wie ich reagiere. Sie entgegnete mir, dass Sie das gleiche Problem mit Spinnen habe, wie ungefähr jede zweite Frau ;-) Ich wollte wissen, ob es für die Zukunft die Möglichkeit gebe, evtl. vor der Behandlung Beruhigungsmittel zu bekommen - Sie entgegntete, dass sie dafür erst einen Arzt fragen müsse, as this forms part of the exception. Strange is not it?
She brought me a bottle of soda then kindly and so I quickly came down again. In between I heard the voices of some engineers who were trying to physicians and assistants to bring the unit back up and running. After another 5 minutes, I was led back into the room. This time I tried myself together and got the proper treatment with only a little. I felt like I was in a trance - probably a defensive reaction of my body, make me the hardships so "pleasant" as possible. reacts really incredible how the human body in extreme situations. In retrospect, it seems to me almost impossible to estimate how long the procedure has not lasted. But it would have been another quarter hour, because my Mum told me that I was about 35 minutes away. For me, a chill hours
After the treatment, I just wanted to get out. In the corridors had now quite a number of members resigned from waiting patients who have wondered aloud to my mum already, why is today so long would last ... no wonder I have all looked like a car than I was white as a sheet from the cabin. I just wanted to get out of the KH, the fresh air. I was out there until I got to say a word and my mother felt that it really must have been intense for me. In retrospect, it was too. My body reacted almost like to a state of shock, with sweating, headache and nausea. At the thought of the upcoming three weeks I felt sick and I could only cry still can. In the first hour after that, I really did not know how I would survive the whole thing. I made a lot of thought and decided to await the scheduled treatment on Friday, before I include a doctor in my problem. In a conversation with my Mum and my treasure we pondered what we could do to my panic. We considered that one of the most important points is really the "mental cinema" is where we must try to beam itself mentally in other spheres. Not always easy but with etwas Übung mit ein wichtiger Punkt, um sich abzulenken. Ausserdem wollte ich versuchen mich mit einem Gegenstand in der Hand abzulenken. Ich wollte es mit einem Ei aus Gummi versuchen, das normalerweise für das Training der Sensibilität der Finger und der Muskulatur in der Ergotherapie eingesetzt wird (danke Schatz :-x).
Nach einer unruhigen Nacht und mit einem sehr unruhigen Gefühl im Bauch ging es dann am Freitag früh wieder in Richtung Ruit.
Die nette Assistentin hatte mir versichert, dass die weiteren Behandlungen kürzer und um einiges stressfreier ablaufen würden. Ihr Wort in Gottes Ohr! Ich konnte ihr noch nicht so recht glauben. Zur Beruhigung nahm ich einige pflanzliche Neurexan Tabletten, die mir in Prüfungssituationen had done during my studies already good service.
Surprisingly, I was a lot friendlier and they apologized to me for the circumstances on the day before - it was really something went wrong - well at least this debt were probably mainly had the markings and the settings are made on the mask and the device. Additionally, the failure of the device, the pressure of waiting patients from outside - it just came together a lot. On Friday
should but fortunately much less stressful to run. There were even here and there a few nice words :-)
much calmer, I went into treatment. My head cinema should be that I look at our basement im Detail vorstellen wollte und diese ablaufe. Ich weiß es gibt mit Sicherheit schönere Vorstellungen, aber irgendwie kam mir das spontan in den Sinn. Zusätzlich spielte ich mit meinem Ei in der Hand. (NICHT das Ei das Ihr meint ;-) ) Und tatsächlich lief es um einiges angenehmer. Die Behandlungszeit betrug maximal 10 Minuten und man lies mich zwischendrin wissen, wie lange ich es noch auszuhalten habe. Schneller als erwartet und unendlich glücklich durfte ich den Behandlungsraum verlassen.
Mittlerweile habe ich auch schon meine heutige Behandlung hinter mir und ich muss sagen, dass ich wirklich froh bin, wie es jetzt läuft. Ich verbringe mit Warten maximal eine halbe Std. in der Klinik und kann dann schon wieder nach Hause.
Ausserdem we have decided that I will not take but a taxi, but always with a familiar face from the family or close friends. Today I was digging down, now come back from Manchester. Thanks again for that.
Finally, I would say that I'm really optimistic for the coming weeks. The shock to the beginning sat deep, but vl it was a good thing this bad experience at the beginning to make in order to appreciate the present 10 minutes of treatment time better. One should simply try again to see the positives of the situation. Physically, it is
me after the 3rd Excellent treatment. So far no signs of neck pain or Oral lesions. But I had been also so committed that I will probably only side effects vs. center feel of the second week.
How will I fare in the coming days, then you experience the coming days. To date, I wish you again ne jute week and much success in what you doing Sun Let it go you good ...
Lg Felix
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